I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
