you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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