we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
