Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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