i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
