theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
