I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
