Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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