im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
