I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i drank out of a bidet.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
