Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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