It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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