I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
