you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
