even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
