if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
