go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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