Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
