his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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