Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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