my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
