if i can run in heels then i can drive
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
