i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
