When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He shit in the fireplace
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
