My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
