eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
