she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it's like iHOP with fire
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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