I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
