All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
