He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
