I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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