It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
