my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
