hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
