Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
