is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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