I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
