As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
