ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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