If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
