super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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