i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
