i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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