Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
