You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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