Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
