got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
