Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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