I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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