He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
What a dumb baby whore.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
