How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
