So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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