this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
