I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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